Adieu

As I sit today on my PC, I count that I am only months away from my CA Final (circa 3 & a half). 

There is not one lie in my statement when I type that I badly wanted to sneak in another post before I disappeared into my cocoon of self-banishment for the aforesaid interlude. 

But as I’ve come to discover about myself, the more my brain wanders into fiction, the harder it gets for me to revere the other half of my life; that half which shall earn me the freedom to be what I am without every other civilized bloke pointing a finger at me and sniggering his heart out that ‘this boy whom we thought to be so mature was stupid enough to throw away a bright prospective career and look at what the fool is doing now when everyone else of his age have thoughts on their mind that can actually be termed as goals- like earning prestige (read- moolah), flooding the corporate, becoming head honchos and single handedly controlling companies. Look at the idiot, he’s writing gibberish!’

Anyways, no point in discussing something that is generic amongst human beings; finding solace in the tranquility of repetition and the known.

I have made up my mind. The next time I open my blogger shall be in the last week of November; not for anyone else but for my own good.

But I must warn you this moment itself, come December you shall feel the full blast of what a man who dwells within language is capable of conjuring when he’s gone months without pouring out his ideas and has no constraints to put up with.

See you on the other side.

The PROBLEM with having a brain that thinks too much

Have you ever had that moment in your life where you keep having this gut feeling inside you that you might have said or done something in an inappropriate manner and ended up hurting someone who is essentially a person whom you don’t want to hurt? 

You feel dead sure that something or the other is not right and that you yourself are at fault. Yet, not having the courage to take initiative, you keep brooding over the issue, waiting for things to clear by themselves and wishing that there’d be a sign, just one sign that everything has gone back to normal.

And when you feel that nothing is happening, you muster up all the courage that you are capable of conjuring at one moment and get up to face that person with the intention of clearing the guesstimated misunderstanding that exists between you and him. You catch him unawares of your visit, then come straight to the point and blurt out nervously-“Excuse me Sir, I just wanted to ask you. Have I said anything wrong to you lately?”

Believe me it takes a heck of a lot of nerve to do such a thing. But wait... let me finish.

Has it ever happened to you that you do exactly what I’ve typed, in the exact same sequence, and the reply that you get from that person is -“What? What the hell are you talking about?”

How would you react? I’d really like to know... not because I am keen on learning human behavioral patterns and other allied sciences. The reason behind me asking is simple- today was the day when I had that moment.

And I have to say, I was DUMBFOUNDED. I merely sat there, not knowing what exactly to clarify, having realized all of a sudden that the only person who wasn’t thinking clearly was “me” and that the entire misapprehension was inside my brain and no place else. Truly awkward I tell you.

But on a merrier note, I add that even though it eventually turned out to be a dud and I know now that I was plain stupid, the person in question was kind enough not to highlight this fact and instead he went on to say that I did the right thing in approaching him. What more, I’m relieved now that the supposed animosity never even really existed.

I’d rather like to be a fool, than being an intelligent man filled with doubt.

PS: I know how weird all this might seem coming from a person who two posts prior to this had declared so pompously that he does not like to share his emotions with anyone. I’m sorry for not having mentioned back there that I am also very moody and I’m now in one of those write-your-heart-out-until-you-feel-relieved moods.